#When everyone else believes in you.....but you don't.

It is fab isn't it when everyone else around you supports you and thinks you are awesome.  That feeling of getting praise and pats on the back for all your inspiration, hard work and dedication feels great... or does it?

Does it mean that much if YOU don't believe it?

Some days I don't.  Some days I question everything I am doing?  Do you?

I wonder whether it is giving me what I set out to get...the freedom to work when and where I want, to make a real difference and to make real money.

There is no doubt that I have worked hard building my business and that my work does make an impact on others and a difference to their lives, and I am making money from it, but just some days the doubts can creep in.  Who am I to do this?

Sometimes it doesn't FEEL real.  Do you know what I mean?  I guess it is hard to put into words but I recently read a quote from Lewis Howes and it really hit home for me....

"It doesn't matter if the entire world believes i you - if you don't believe in them they will never come true".

It reminded me that SELF belief is everything.  It doesn't matter if everyone around you keeps saying you can do it- if you don't believe you can then it won't happen will it?

And it is so true!  Think about it, when was the last time you achieved something so amazing you couldn't quite believe you had done it?  That hurdle you had to overcome, that tough decision you had to make, that work that didn't light you up but was part of the bigger picture.....?

Believing you can make it happen is the best foundation to get in place before working on anything else - but sometimes actually doing it and taking action is the only way to get that ball of self belief rolling too.

It can feel like a catch 22 - "I can't start because I am not sure it will work / I will only know if it will work if I start".

I am not naive to think these types of feelings can ever disappear,  but I do know that from the last 18 months building this business and all of my experience working with behaviour, change and motivation over the last 17 years has taught me that there are ways to get past it. 

It starts and ends in your head.

To not let those doubts stop you going for what YOU want.  The key is to figuring that out and heading straight for it and pushing any doubts aside - shooting for the stars that you believe deep in your heart you can reach.  This is why it doesn't work if it isn't what YOU want.  If you are solely doing it because others think you should, then the motivation isn't strong enough - you have to want and BELIEVE it too.

So the next time someone tells you how amazing you are.  Say thank you and accept it and add it to your own bucket of self belief!  And keep filling that up every day!

Keep going - you got this.

Love Gemma x

And if you need some support join my community of ambitious women that will have your back OR grab some of your own self belief with the Fierce in five days Challenge.

#Face your fears

Is it time to face your fears?

Here are mine....

In the past year I have faced SO many fears.... things that would have normally stopped me from doing what I wanted….

They include;

*risking big financial investments in myself
*digging deep and getting to know me better and what I really want
*networking at big events, 
* hosting my own event and public speaking
*getting to know and making connections with others awesome women in groups, 
*putting myself out there on social media, 
*my face on my website which I designed and built myself from scratch, 
*honest facebook lives
*public speaking (paid gigs)
*selling myself, my services and empowering others
*designing and implementing amazing coaching programmes and delivering the goods for my fabulous clients, 
*building this online community (which I have been in every day for over 18 months and doubling the size in just 10 months)
*voicing my opinions even when others don't necessarily agree
*having negative comments and insults thrown at me in this online crazy world
*growing thick skin
*last year juggling full time hours, young children, closing down my previous business and setting up my new one. 
*dealing with corporate legal shizzle
* designing my online self study course
*growing my ladyballs daily

And lots more in between.

This has not been easy. And there have been many times I would have given up.

But I didn’t. Because I don’t quit. It is not in my nature and guess where fierce comes from.

I love it too much and I have come too far to only come this far.

Sometimes we need to stop and look back and see just how far we have come...against the odds.

Compare YOU against YOU.

I am such a different person and those that know me personally will see that for sure.

So when people say - "you've changed .. I say I fucking hope so"

Ready to face your fears - start by joining my group

Love FM x

#Why wobbles are good for you.

So I am going to get a bit vulnerable and talk about those wobbles.....nope not the wobbly bits we all want to ditch before the summer hols (or is that just me?)....but the wobbles we have up there in our mind.

You see we all have them, we all hate them, but we don't all realise that we can actually use them to our advantage - wobbles can be good for you!

So I have been doing an amazing challenge this week in an amazing group.  The challenge was about positioning - but it has been so much more than that to me.

I started off well, and when Wednesday came and after seeing everybody’s posts the day before, I’ll have to admit I had a wobble.
 
I decided in that moment that I might bow out of the challenge and almost did. 
 
If I am being completely honest with myself and you, I didn't feel up to scratch with all the amazing women doing their thing and strutting their stuff in this incredible group.  I haven’t been there that long and I love the powerful vibe it has.  But it knocked me.
 
I could easily have said that I was too tired from the 12 hour stint I had done that day that started at 530am (doing work for the other half's family biz), or the fact I have a coaching call at 8pm after sorting the kids tea and getting them to bed, meant that I just didn’t have the time to post or go live.
 
I could justify my reasons for not carrying on with the challenge to myself.  And then it hit me as I stood in the post office queue banking someone’s else’s money.
 
Oh the irony!!!
 
The irony is, is this is exactly why I do what I do.  I empower women to figure out what bloody excuses they are using that keeps them stuck.  When really they aren’t taking action because the fear and self doubt kicks in.
 
It pisses me off that we settle for less and justify it with lame excuses. And this might hurt, but it is even more frustrating when amazing mums don't feel good enough to do the things they really want to do and blame the fact they are just too busy with the kids, have lack of sleep and lack of time. 

We hide behind these excuses.
 
My own confidence took a hit when I became a mum and I felt like I had to be somebody else.  Somebody who everyone else decided I should be.  Somebody I didn’t want to be.  I still needed to work; I was ambitious and driven and this didn’t just disappear when I had children.  In fact the whole feeling of having to change left me depressed.  I got through it with support and getting back to doing work I loved saved me.  Of course my kids are my world – it goes without saying – and I 'shouldn't' need to say that before I say that I love to work and it loves me back!
 
Realising that I can ‘have it all’ and getting clear on what my ‘all’ is.
 
So that day when I stood in that queue, I realised the absolute bull shit of my thoughts.  And that there was no way on earth that I wasn’t going to show up for the challenge. 

There was no way I was going to let little miss self doubt win and there was no way I wouldn’t find the time (tired or not tired) to show up because that’s what I do and that’s what I help others do too.  It’s not all about me. 
 
I don't want any woman to feel less or settle for less because she's a mum and has to prioritise others – she can still put herself and her dreams first.  In fact she has to and will be a better mum for it.
 
Why I do it? 

Because I believe we can have it all, and it may mean growing a pair of ladyballs, ditching the excuses and taking fierce action – but it is so worth it.
 
I did do a facebook live about this too - so if you haven't seen it check it out in the The F Movement.

It is not easy for me to vulnerable and put myself out there that I am not perfect - but I am not - none of us are.

So what will you choose to do?  Start to pay attention to those wobbles and reasons we make for not doing what we really want to do.  

Or stick with the excuses and carry on as you are.... the choice is totally yours...but if you are ready and willing to notice what you are telling yourself then you might just open yourself up to the wobbles, but they can actually be really good for you if you let them in.

This is what I love to do - so if you are ready to get up close to those excuses so you can push them to one side and do what you really want to do, to get yourself and your business out there and make more connections, attract customers and make more income, then get in touch with me and we can jump on a call and see whether working with me would be the thing you need to take fierce action.
 

You don't need to hide anymore - you've got this. 

Love Gemma x

#Stop Comparing Yours to Theirs.

Comparison is the thief of joy.  That's what they say - what do you think?

I can really understand this statement and it can be very overwhelming when you start to compare yourself to others and the impact that this can have on how you truly feel about yourself.

I did a #FierceTalk was on this very subject - if you missed it check it out.

Comparing where you are right now with someone else in a negative way is not good for you.  Especially when you use it to find faults with yourself.

The problem is that you don't recognise your own strengths and beauty as you are far too busy comparing yourself to others.

You start to feel undeserving, inadequate and inexperienced.  Who am I to do this? I don't have what she has? I am not good enough who will listen to me?

Do you find you do this?  We all do it at times and it can be detrimental to our self esteem.  If this becomes a habit then we start to lose confidence in our own abilities and the pressure and overwhelm creeps in and we stop moving forwards - we give up, we think what's the point?

Social media has only served to increase these feelings if we allow it to.  Do you know what I mean? Watching someone else's movie reel and all their highlights about what they are up to!  The thing to remember is that it is only their highlights - not everyone would have the lady balls to show up and show off their down days - those moments where everything has gone to shit.  It isn't easy sharing this with the world because of the fear of being judged - what will they think of me if I do show up and I haven't got my shit together?

Constant comparing of this nature will not end well.

Constantly comparing yourself to others in a negative way can lead to depression and anxiety because you ultimately tell yourself you have a shit life because it is not like those other people's lives you see on your phone.  Now there is a sentence I wouldn't have thought I would write - but it is so true.  We have all been there and I know you have too.

Well it is time to stop.  

You have an incredible life and can use it to inspire others.

Firstly you cannot compare your chapter 1 to somebody else's chapter 20.  It just doesn't work like that.  Of course there will be differences, of course they will have experienced more things, and you will too as you create more chapters in your life.  

Secondly, at least you have a chapter 1 right?  There will be others comparing themselves to you too - only thinking about starting to follow their dreams, but are too scared to show up yet.  They don't even have a chapter and will look to you and be amazed by how you did it.

I was watching my 8 year old daughter in her dance class last night.  I love seeing her dance and the passion she has.  She shows determination and commitment and never misses a class.  

She does get concerned about how far the other girls have got and how they can do this move and that move and she can't.  But what was interesting last night was that another little girl was asked to do the finale move - an amazing cartwheel without hands - which she was brilliant at but only on soft mats.  

The tutor wanted her to practice it on the hard floor ready for the real competition.  Se was scared to do it.  She cried.  Her dance class buddies were all staring at her, and then out of nowhere, they started clapping - it gives me goosebumps to relive it to be honest.  

It was amazing to watch.  Her girls had her back.  She knew it.  And she bloody did it.  And yes all the girls were probably thinking they wish they could do that move (I know my daughter was) but they didn't sit there feeling negative towards their team mate - they encouraged her to be the best version of herself, to push her out of that comfort zone, to do the thing she really wanted to do, because that is what is needed in these times where we think we can't go on.  

We need encouragement.  Which by definition is the action of giving someone support, confidence and hope.

And all those other girls who did the encouraging will feel a sense of satisfaction knowing that when their time comes they will have a huge team of other girls who will encourage them to do the same.  It's bloody inspirational and it is what I am all about.

Watching that unravel last night brought me to tears because it kinda sums up everything I stand for.  
 

Women having each other's back.  

So yes you may feel that someone is better than you and maybe they are further on their journey - but remember they were once where you are right now, and there are others who are only dreaming of being where you are.  

It is time to stop the negative comparison BS.

And instead start using comparison to your advantage.  Truly believe that if she can do it then it is possible for you too.  

Don't forget that.  

If someone is paving the way for you then this is a great thing, as it means that you can run along that path knowing full well what will be at the end of it.
 

Her success is definitely not your failure - it is only your beginning.

FM x

If you have not yet joined our amazing group of Fiercemums then come on over. 

And if you are ready to figure out what you really want and to discover that passion you can turn into work you love then grab my free gift here.

#No Excuses

Did you catch my Facebook live on this?  

I had been doing some reflection and thinking about the things I hear from women I speak to both in my business and friends and family.  A common theme is that we don't have the time to do what we really want to do because we are too busy raising a family.  Does this sound familiar ?

It is true - the struggle is real and the balancing act is tough - working and raising your family can feel relentless at times - but it can also feel exhilarating.

Don't get me wrong I have those days too where it all feels like too much and I wonder what the flip am I trying to do here - but then I remember the real deep down reasons of what I do it for and it all makes sense again.

If you are doing work you love then this comes easier than if you are in work that does not light you up anymore.  And the thing is - we are women - and once we have decided that we don't like something the way it is we can't stop thinking about it.  If this is in a negative way then it can be all consuming and can lead to you feeling down and depressed.  

I am on a mission for ambitious women who love to work, to be doing the thing that lights them up.  After all if we are trading time away from our little ones then it surely has to be what we love to do?

How are you feeling about work?  If it isn't floating your boat anymore and there is something you would prefer to be doing then now is the time to do something about it #noexcuses.  

Maybe you know you need to step out of your comfort zone to be able to achieve the thing you want to achieve - but instead you are finding any excuse not too?

Yeah the best excuse is not having enough time because you are a working mum.  I know sounds harsh but is it the truth?

Time to get honest with yourself - is that the real reason or is there something else - maybe something around worrying about what others will think about you for stepping up and putting yourself out there? Maybe focusing all your time and attention on your family has totally knocked your confidence? Or just maybe you don't think anyone will care or listen to you because you are not good enough or you need something on paper to say you can do it before you start?  

BS. 

Listen, whatever your big idea, whatever your service, skills, expertise or products you have that you want to share with the world, whatever problem you can solve for others - how the hell is anyone going to come get it if you don't put yourself out there consistently?  There are others needing you right now and they can't find you because you say you don't have the time to do more.

BS.

I say that if you want something enough then you will find the time.  If there is something else getting in your way - then dig deep, figure it out and push past it.

You've got this  - now go bloody do it.

#noexcuses

FM
x

If you have not yet joined our amazing group of Fiercemums then come on over. 

And if you are ready to figure out what you really want and to discover that passion you can turn into work you love then grab my free gift here.

#Find the Confidence.

So do you consider yourself to be a confident person ...depends on what you are doing?  Yeah me too.
 

We are all confident in some things and less so in others.  It is only natural.  The key is to figure out what you don't feel as confident in and face that fear.

This is a big deal for us mums as having babies and starting a family can sometimes knock your confidence.  Spending so much time being obsessed with everything baby while you are pregnant and then obsessed with everything new mum and baby after your little bundle of joy arrives is a whole life change to adjust too.  Having time off from your normal work and social circles can really take its toll on your self confidence.  

For me it was such a shock and a massive learning curve becoming a mum that I doubted myself straight away.  I didn't think I was cut out to be a 'good enough' mum and I know this can happen to so many like minded professional women who are so used to being control of their own lives, and then your little bundle of joy throws all that out of the window.  It can be a scary time.  The unknown.  But then that is true for most things we are unsure about.

If you haven't done something before then your primal brain starts telling you to be fearful and on alert as this could hurt you.  

You decide to fight, flight or freeze.  If you decide to fight and do it anyway and don't get hurt, your brain gets the message that 'ok I didn't die so maybe this isn't as dangerous or scary as I first thought' - the more you do it, the more you grow in confidence.

Taking action is the best way to reduce your fear.

Are there times that you can think of << Test First Name >> where you have felt like this or experienced something similar?  I have lots.  And I know the women I work with are often trapped by fears that they don't even know exist.  I was for years until I decided to figure myself out.

I have been live on my Facebook Business page every evening to share a tip to give yourself that boost of confidence when you need it.  If you have missed them go take a look and let me know what you think.  

I would love you to share any thoughts or experiences on growing our confidence in our amazing group of supportive ambitious mums.

Remember - If you can dream it then you can do it.  Anything is possible.

You've totally got this.

Love FM
x

#Doing things Differently

It is shocking news to wake up to this morning in the world.  

When I feel like this I turn to gratitude and look to how people can make a difference if they follow their own hearts and dig deep and respect each other.    But maybe we need to do things differently.

Sometimes we can feel that we have no control over our own lives.  That things are already decided for us and that we just have to go along with it.  But this is not the case.  You do get to decide what you want.  You do get to decide how you want to feel.  And you do get to choose.

When I see things that make me sad or even angry and frustrated - I reflect.

I reflect on what feelings this stirs inside me.  And reflect why this is.  It is usually because I care.  I care about others.  One of my favourites quotes is 'Be the change you wish to see in the World'.  This resonates with me so much and has been a driving force behind the decisions I have made in my career.  

I have always wanted to empower others to be the person they can be.  To unlock all of their potential.  Potential they sometimes think isn't there.  I have also worked hard to unlock my own potential.  Potential I maybe didn't realise I had and sometimes still don't.  But to do this we must do things differently.

A few weeks ago I watched my 3 year old son in his swimming class.  At the end they were singing and playing a game doing the hockey cokey.  You had to grab a floating toy and then the kids should have thrown it back into the middle on each verse and then grab a different one.  

It was so interesting as all of the other children grabbed a toy and held onto it throughout the whole song.  Not letting go to that one toy.  My son threw his toy back in every time.  He went for a different one.  Watching all the children made me realise that my son seemed to be having the most fun.  Grabbing a new toy then throwing it back in, sometimes getting a new one and sometimes missing out.  So striving harder and reaching further the next time.  But he was laughing the whole time.  I felt proud.

It made me reflect on how life can be similar.

Do you hang onto what you have in life because you feel secure in the fact that you at least have something, and don't let go for fear of not getting anything better.  Or do you keep trying different things, taking risks and opportunities to feel different and enjoy the game.

Sometimes change feels scary and unnecessary - but most of the time change is good.  It gives us all a chance to do things differently.

Dig deep today and look around at the amazing beautiful people in this world that shine love and respect for each other.  You are one of them.  

Shine bright and do things differently.

Stay strong.  Stay fierce.

You've got this

FM x
 

Come on over and connect with us in the fiercemums private group and over on Instagram

We are celebrating having an attitude for gratitude today (it is our theme over in the Fiercemums group on a Wednesday) - so be sure to come over there and find some positive energy and share yours with us.

x

Am I good enough?

Let's talk about the emotions that surround the 'Am I good enough?' feelings that we all get from time to time.  When we become mothers this can be a regular feeling that crops up and sometimes even though the thoughts are irrational and make no sense - we still sometimes feel that we aren't good enough and we are winging it.  And sometimes we have to.

It can also be known as 'Impostor Syndrome' - have you heard about it?  It is where we believe that we are not good enough at what we are doing and therefore feel we shouldn't really be there or even doing it.  

This fear can stop us doing anything or even starting.

Some people feel like they may be rubbish at parenting or bringing children into this world - so decide not to, or some first time mums feel so inadequate it can lead to postnatal depression, some mums who have younger ones running a muck feel like they can't manage the school run and absolutely dread Monday mornings, but don't tell anyone for fear of being seen as a 'crap' mum.  These feelings are always around whenever we take on new challenges.  

And yes I wing it at being a mum a lot of the time because as soon as I get used to a phase of my kids development - they move on to the next and I have to play catch up.  If I haven't done it before, then it's new territory for me too.  

This is the same for most areas in life, parenting, work, new careers, new hobbies, exercise, self care practices... All of which require you to push yourself out of the safe and cosy space called your comfort zone.  

However as the saying goes - it is a nice place to be (your comfort zone) but nothing ever grows there - and this is so true.  Think of the last time where you really pushed yourself?  Where you were feeling so nervous and excited all at the same time?  Spend a couple of minutes thinking about that time and what you learnt from it ....

I am guessing that it is something around just going for it and telling yourself about the amazing feelings you had after the event and that if you can hang onto those feelings then you could push yourself again and again - good.  

Well you can.  

You are no impostor - and Amy Cuddy talks about it in her ted talk saying 'fake it until you become it' because putting yourself out there and just doing it - is the only way you can become something you want to be.

Amy talks about the importance of body language but also impostor syndrome and that we can all feel like this, but we can work at it until we become it.  Grab a cuppa or glass of vino or whatever you fancy and check it out here.

Let me know your thoughts on this or come over and share with us in our amazing group of Fiercemums - where working mothers are supporting each other through our ups and downs.

You got this.  You are good enough.

FM x

#What if you Fly?

Change is so good for you.  

Although change can feel both exciting and scary - embracing it is really good for you.  Because you don't know how good it can be until you go for it.
 

Sometimes the fear of change can lead to procrastination and we decide, consciously or unconsciously, to put off taking the first step.  This leads to all sorts of feelings from self doubt to lack of confidence and this can then feel like you are going around in circles. 
 

You can often feel like you are getting nowhere fast and the feeling of overwhelm is so strong that you justify why now is not the right time to start and instead wait until 'this is ready' or 'that is ready'.  We often blame time.  Poor time has heard it all.  It is the biggest excuse we all use.  Trust me I was using this one for years - being so so busy there wasn't enough time and I would always just wish for time to stop so I could catch up.  Do you ever feel like that?

Get honest with yourself - what is really stopping you?  For me it usually is fear.  Worried about the outcome, will it work, what if it doesn't and what if it isn't good enough?  These negative thoughts can stop you in your tracks.  Instead of acknowledging them we blame time instead.

Deep down we all know that there is no time like the present.  It really is after all the only real time we have.

So grab a cuppa of self belief (it is there deep down inside), sit down and just start.....start writing that post, that blog or that book...start setting goals, start designing the life you really want.  

You can totally do this.  Start today.  Start now.
 

Don't focus on falling - focus on flying.  
 

You can fly.

FMx

#Endings are Beginnings

30/8/2016

This week was the official time to say goodbye to a business I worked extremely hard for over the last 8 years.  A business I built from scratch.  A business that was more than making money.  A business that was about unlocking young people's potential when they often didn't know they had any to unlock.   My business changed lives.  And that is pretty special.  

 

It has been tough but I know that it was the right decision.
 

Although endings in any sense can be emotional and more often than not the ones that matter will be life changing - you can also decide to look at them as new beginnings.

Where an ending can feel sad, demotivating and final - a new beginning has unlimited possibilities, excitement and anticipation.

If you are craving a new beginning or have found yourself at the end of one road - then it is time to take on the new challenge - to rise up as the strong powerful woman you are and go get it.

Endings and beginnings are how you choose to feel about them.  You get that choice.  Yes emotions will be high and probably will be up and down, but you still get to choose how to deal with it.

I achieved exactly what I set out to achieve with my previous business.  The lives I touched and the friends and colleagues I made along the way have made it such a special and memorable time for me.  The fact that my children know the business inside out as much as I do, and I got to work alongside my amazing mum, also makes it that more special.  And the fact I won an award for the work we were doing just shows how we were recognised for this amazing time.  

That time has now come to an end.  I am not sad.  I am proud. And I am so unbelievably excited about what the next chapter holds.

I now have the freedom to follow my heart again and have found the work I was always meant to do.  I have been coaching for over 15 years and have mainly worked with clients who may not have wanted to work with me at times, and that can be challenging - now I get to work with amazing, enthusiastic and motivated ladies who can make incredible changes and transform their own and their families lives.  I love it.  

Having a coach and mentor really opened up my eyes to these new possibilities and I am the kind of woman who needs to be held accountable to ensure I push myself out of my comfort zone and reach my goals - one step at a time.  I am focused and driven and have managed to get super clear on what I want.

Having a coach means...

 - you have someone outside your family and circle of friends who has your back.
- you have someone you can bounce ideas off and there will be no judgement or negativity.  
- you will feel challenged to take brave steps that you wouldn't normally have taken.  
- you will celebrate the success that comes with pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone and feeling amazing and exhilarated for doing it.
-  being clear about where you want to be and the inspired action that will get you there.  

If you want to know more then please don't hesitate to get in touch - totally no obligation to work with me - I just love to hear from amazing and ambitious women like you and you can ask me anything you like?

Or why not come and join the party in our tribe of fiercemums who share and support each others experiences.

FM x

#Sports Day Failure

Here it comes again.

 That sinking feeling when you get the school / nursery letter and it has all the dates on (that start within a couple of days) for sports day and other activities and they are all spread out over the last few weeks of term.

You know that because of your commitments at work you can't go to them all. You feel like the shittiest parent in the world.  Questioning yourself why do I work and miss out on all these special occasions.

 It breaks you heart – you know that other mums will be there cheering their little ones on and who will be there to cheer on your baby?  You know you can call in a favour (again) and grandma or auntie might be able to make it. Your kids will be happy but you wont be.

 It’s crap. No ifs or buts.  The guilty feeling. The missing out.  The not always being there.

 You speak to work and see if you can sneak off for an hour and make the time up – sometimes it’s a yes sometimes it’s a no. You hate having to ask for permission and having to take some of your valuable leave which you need to save up for a family holiday.

 It’s a juggling act this work / life balance. You are currently 'living to work' day in day out and wonder what it would be like if you could 'work to live'.

 You speak to your other half – he says ‘the kids will be fine it's just one of those things' 'you can't go to everything’ and doesn’t seem to have that aching guilt that you have. Maybe that way would be easier – but you can't escape the grip of mummy guilt.

It’s always there, sometimes in the background or sometimes right up in your face.  

But it’s always there.

 You think for the millionth time I wish I was my own boss. I could pick and choose when I would work. I would see my babies growing up. I could manage my time so much better.  I do have what it takes, the drive, determination, experience of doing a thousand tasks at the same time but you don’t do it. Why?

 Fear.

 Fear of the unknown. Fear of not being able to provide for your family. Fear of what others will think. Fear of being a big fat failure.

 But ask yourself this – What if not following your dreams and living the life you want is failing? What if not doing what you are passionate about and showing your kids that your dreams don’t matter and shouldn’t be pursued is worse than the fear of having a go?

 Deep I know – but definitely worth some thought. Time will still pass by anyway.

I can totally relate to all of you that struggle with the work /life balance when working and raising your family.  I get it I really do.  And I have found it difficult.  

Don't get me wrong sometimes I need space from the kids and enjoy work (it's easier after all) and that's ok but I crave flexibility and I crave independence to make my own choices.  And if I can have that, whilst following my absolute passion then that has to be a win win for everybody and not just the fastest runner in the race.

If you are thinking about making a change and need some clarity to figure out what you really want then check out my strategy here.

FM x

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#legclinging

20th July 2015

So we have all been there.  The build up to the goodbye, the look from your little one's eye, and then they move towards you just as you thought you could escape and there it is the leg cling!  A grip so tight no man could break it!  And that’s not the only grip going on.  For me it's the grip on my heartstrings!  

Please my darling I will return but first I need to go to work (or shopping, or swimming, the toilet or literally I just need some god damm space for a minute) but no the cling is tighter than ever!

The impact that this can have on me as a mum is huge.  The sense of guilt I feel after tearing away the arms of my gorgeous one and having to say ‘I will be back’, with them looking up at you with disbelief in their eyes, is so difficult to bare.

I cry all the way to work (well for the first five minutes until the dreaded to do list pops into my head) but I can't stop myself from telling everyone at work that I was ‘leg-clinged’ before work today, so I could at least yield some sympathy from fellow mums to make me feel better again....meanwhile, as soon as I had left, my little one is having a ball - 'mum, what mum'!

So what’s this all about and what three tips can we do to ease the 'cling' (on the leg and heart strings):

1. Remember this is a healthy reaction to separation - it's not just your little one chucking a guilt trip at you!

2.  A 'goodbye' ritual is a good starter - blowing kisses, special words etc helps the little ones get used to you leaving and then returning too!

3. Just leave and don't stop!  It can be too traumatising for mum and little one if you stall the process and this then becomes a drama for you both!

Hold onto the hope that this does ease with time and to be honest, there will come a point where your little one doesn’t even blink an eye when you leave ...now that’s another story for another day and another pull on the good old heart strings! 

FM x

photo cred https://lessthancredible.wordpress.com/

#MotherRunner – Do I have what it takes?

22nd April 2016

So I have started running on a regular basis.

I have always wanted to be one of those women who loves running, looks great, feels great and is fit and healthy.  You know the ones!

The problem is, I am not very good at it.  Nevertheless, I started anyway, as I figured what the hell if I don’t start then I will never love it.

My motivation has been high, at first, then one morning I found it tough, and the little voice crept in saying what the hell are you doing just grab a cuppa instead!

This negative thought made me reflect on how running is so much like being a working mum (or any mum for that matter).

Some days, your motivation is high, you’re committed, excited, and you are well chuffed with how great you are!  Some days are low, you are tired, fed up questioning the choices you are making.  You don’t have the energy to go on.

But you do.  You have to.  Its not an option to stop being mum.

When I first became a mum, the shock and  intensity crippled me and, me, a professional and independent woman, was left feeling vulnerable and unable to get myself out of one of the most difficult situations I found myself in.

PND (Post Natal Depression) is a very difficult concept to describe.  At the time I could have described it as hell.  Here I was, a once strong women who had become this weak female supposed to be responsible for another little life doubting every decision I made.  Constantly considering ‘Do I have what it takes?’ Watching other mums or my own leading the way and being so amazing, but with my baby, and I couldn’t do it.

Or so I thought.

That was a number of years ago and since then I have done a lot of soul searching through my personal and my business life and had a huge realisation in the middle of last year that a lot of my self doubt has come from that period in my life.  The belief that stayed with me;

‘If I can fail at doing the one thing I am suppose to do naturally, then how can I achieve anything else’.

This moment of clarity came from working with my coach on my business plans.   It has made a huge difference to my life.  My life has taken a new path because of this and I am crushing other limiting beliefs that were holding me back.  Don’t get me wrong it can sometimes creep back, but now I can recognise it.

So no more holding back or waiting for tomorrow.  The time is now to be fierce with my dreams.  And I will.

I finished my run.  Ready for the next.

FM x.

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I want some Clarity now

#depressionawarenessweek

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#Why me…(Guest Blog)

11th April 2016

Why do my children always ask me?

I am married with two children and have a equal relationship with my husband.  He does his fair share of the housework and parenting (which is probably because I work full time!) – it has not always been the case and when I did work less hours, I did a lot more of the household chores.

I would still argue however that I run the household.

Whilst I may order my shopping to be delivered and pay a cleaner these days.  I check the bank balance, order the online shopping, ensure the children have the right things for school, organise play dates and additional childcare, book the dentist appointments etc…… the list goes on……. and if I don’t remember these things, they simply do not happen.

I have organised my life into a complicated system of to do lists.

I don’t resent this but it means I am not the fun parent, I am the one who gets things done.

An example of this would be ….. the other day my husband came up with a brain wave for helping my daughter improve her maths. A work book that she can do in the mornings if she wakes up early…… it was an excellent idea so he downloaded the worksheets with a view to printing them off and there his involvement ended.

My daughter asked me three or four times whether I could print them off for her……… so whilst I was running around doing this and 4 other things ….. whilst my husband watched the footy last Sunday, I wondered to my self – why doesn’t she ask him? why is it me? It was his idea, they discussed it but she wanted me to finish it for her.

I could have refused to do it and requested that she finish the task with her father…….

but then I thought………..

Does she ask me because I get things done? I am the one who sorts everything out.  She knows that it will happen if I do it. I am the reliable one.  This makes me proud to be “not the fun parent”. This is not to offend my husband, who is a fantastic parent.  I have wondered out loud with him why the children always ask me and his response was….”you always give them an answer/solution, if you stop doing that, they will stop asking”.  Shortly after this conversation he began to intervene in the exchanges with them to try and help me but somehow it did not work, it did not divert their requests to him.  They still ask me first.

 In the past I have resented having the dependable role in the house but actually it is a massive compliment.  The biggest my children could give me and whilst I don’t always appreciate or enjoy being the one they always ask, I would not have it any other way.

So I will try to remember this when they are driving me nuts and giving me a never ending list of jobs to do.  Also, sometimes I will ignore my list of jobs and have a little fun, just to even up the score a little.

Thank you for this guest blog by a fellow Fiercemum.

It is great and totally resonates

FM x

PS – Why not come and join our private group and safe space to chat about being working mums

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supporting each other through our ups and downs.

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#Clarity in Killer Wellies

21st March 2016

Clarity in Killer Wellies?

Sometimes we forget who we are when we become a mum and being responsible for others.  Focusing so much on how to be the best mother to our children and what being this ‘good mum’ really means.

I know I am a devoted mummy, committed wife, proud daughter, loving sister, loyal friend, and brave entrepreneur.

But is it even possible to be all these things at once?

I used to think so – but more recently I have realised that it is much better (for me and those around me) if I concentrate on being really present in the moment and being the one thing that is needed.  For instance if I am with my kids then I will be mum and not try to be everything else -although as women I understand we have the multi tasking gene which can be hard to deny- but this has started to feel so much better for me and my life.

It means I can show up FULLY as the women I want to be in that moment.

It is totally ok to not always want to be ‘mum’ and to be something or someone else.

To remember who you were before you became a mum.

This is also one of the reasons I love to work as it gives me independence and is a reminder of who I am, but it is also important to have some time out for reflection.

Who else am I? Have I forgotten what actually lights me up?  What do I love to spend hours chatting or reading about or actually out there doing?

What or who would I be if all my nearest and dearest said ‘here go and find yourself and get some clarity’. What would be the outcome. It’s an interesting one that’s for sure.

Last year I went on some training.  It was about creative arts.  No one else could go so I thought why the hell not.  What I didn’t realise was that the training would be an absolute revelation for me.

I am usually always the first to say “somebody else better do this part I’m not very creative”.  But on this training we delved into our childhood to see how creative we actually were.  It turns out that once I started reliving my memories I am bloody creative and I am an outdoorsy type; piano, art, photography, drama, gymnastics, swimming, walking, writing, orienteering, den building, making fires, camping, roller skating, skateboarding, biking the list goes on and on.

Nature. Yes! That’s my thing. So why do I spend hardly anytime in it?  Why have I forgotten?

I LOVE wearing my wellies.

Something calming comes over me.

A sense of freedom and that I can do bloody anything I want (my equivalent to killers heels)

In my wellies the world is truly my oyster!

They say go back to your 8 year old self to gain insight.

What is it you really love to do? What are you passionate about that maybe you have forgotten or just not had time for recently?

Isn’t it time we found out what we truly love and enjoy, so we can show our children how they can be great too!

Here’s to clarity – may it keep us sane.

FM x

Why not come and join our private group and safe space to chat about being working mums

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supporting each other through our ups and downs.

See you there.

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#kindness taken for weakness

26th Feb 2016

“All of my kindness is taken for weakness…” (Rihana)

So I love these lyrics and they got me thinking, that yes my kindness does often get mistaken for weakness by myself and others.

If there is one thing in this world that I find hard to live with it’s being taken for granted. I don’t mind doing everything, as long as it’s appreciated and not just expected – that’s the difference!

Why do we become mums and put what we want to one side. It’s never a priority. WE are never the priority. Then if we dare to step out of our comfort zone and book out a little ‘me time’ we then have to prepare everything in advance to ease the guilt.

What is this guilt about?  Are we scared of judgement from others? And where does our ‘got to do everything for everyone’ gene come from? Maybe our own mothers.  So if I don’t break the cycle then will my own daughter’s future be the same?

This links so closely to being able to say what I really want.

Outsiders see me as a confident and assertive woman, and at work, and in some circumstances, I am truly that – but in others, being mum, wife, daughter, sister and friend, I have struggled for years and worried too much about upsetting others that I never really ask for ‘what I want’.

I often beat myself up.

You know that little voice that gives yourself an arse kicking “why the hell am I doing all the washing again?”

“Why am I the only one that cleans the bathroom?”

“and why oh why am I the only one that has to stand on tiny bits of lego before I tidy it all up!’,

or that other voice, “If I’m a feminist and strong women then I’m sure the hell not acting like one – you big failure!”

What would my independent, feminist, 18-year old self say….

I did choose wife and mother and with that there is a responsibility. My little ones can’t wash their clothes or clean the bathroom – they can help (sort of) and they do and so does the other half, sometimes.  But I’m choosing to do these things.

Someone close to me once said “you are only treated as you allow yourself to be”.

I often come back to this line. And it can actually make you feel a hell of a lot worse or quite empowered depending on the way you look at it and what day it is.

So for me it’s…

New year new rules.

Yeah I’ll still do the washing, cleaning, tidying bloody toys and clothes away and make beds and clean the shower naked (weird but easier).

But I’m damn sure there is some time in that week for me.

Just me.

To stop the chores and to focus on me.  Space for exercise, reading, developing myself, finding clarity and meditating…basically whatever takes my fancy and I am saying NO to the guilt!

Are you saying NO to that guilty feeling and spending some important time on self care?

If we don’t take some time out for ourselves then others wont get the best of us!

She refilled her pitcher and in doing so was able to refresh everyone around her

(Anon)

You know you should.

Do it.  Do it now.

FM x

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photo cred vwscoconimonio

#resilience

12th Dec 2015

1 The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness:
2 The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity:

Children might as well be elastic bands.

I can’t quite believe how resilient children are. Sometimes it takes me by complete surprise and tugs on my heart strings. And now is the time I need to learn from them.

We moved house this year which meant that my daughter would have to change schools. She didn’t want to. But I wanted her to make friends she would have into secondary school.

Watching her on her first day. Brave but nervous. Nobody speaking to her as she was the only stranger in the playground.

My heart was broken.

Thoughts of ‘what have I done to my baby?’ ‘Was it worth the move?’ ‘Will she make any friends?’

Holding back my tears as she asked me to stand nearby, but not too close. She went in.

Fast forward three months and she is the definition of resilience. On the rare occasions I walk her to school (when I can escape work) she holds my hand, until arriving at school and then off she goes and doesn’t look back.

I can literally feel my heart melting. You ever had that? Melting from love and a certain proudness that only comes from watching those bundles of joy you helped shape and watched grow.  It’s F’ing amazing. Nothing compares.

This is my inspiration. It’s my time to show resilience. And I will. I won’t look back. I’ll go forward, be brave, yes nervous, but also proud that I’m actually surrounded by resilience that will support my journey.

I have done it before, through PND, through losing my dad, through hurting my back and I can do it again.

Broken Mind, Heart and Body.

Shit happens and happens for a reason – to make you stronger!

People are resilient; so am I, so are you.

You may be going through some tough times, making big decisions, feeling alone or unsure, but there is always a way through.  You have the answers inside of you, sometimes we just need space and clarity to find them!

Whatever your journey, you got this girl!

‘ you never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have ‘.

Bob Marley

FM x

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#bedtime-what bedtime?

6th Nov 2015

So recently I’ve been thinking…’I should have followed that Gina Ford woman’……’stick to your guns’, ‘get a routine’ ..but no not me.  Had my own plans and definitely made that rod for my back!

Bedtime and children – is there actually such a thing? Does it exist? I used to think so. And pretty much thought I had it sorted! Easy going parents with a new baby, go out for dinner, timing is everything and sometimes actually managed to eat a meal while baby slept…..(this is actually a distorted but sweet memory I’m sticking to for now. More on sleep dep another time)

Seven years on, and with additional sibling, bedtime is driving me insane.

I actually think I’m losing the plot.

Every evening I start positive. Give them the ten minute warnings, promise story time if they get pjs on and brush their teeth (yes I know good old blackmail) but even after giving everything, my heart and soul, after a long day at work it’s….’mummy warm me up’, ‘mummy read another story’, ‘mummy are their any tigers?’, ‘mummy where’s bunny?’, ‘mummy can I sleep in your bed?’, ‘mummy can you sleep in my bed?’, ‘mummy let’s play teachers’, ‘mummy you’re the pink power ranger’, ‘mummy I need a wee’, ‘mummy I need a poo’. ‘Mummy Oopps …. I’ve had a poo!’

Yep you know those little gems! I know I’m not the most patient woman in the world, and I do try, but sometimes I want to scream. Then, by the time I’ve been up and down the stairs for what feels like a 100 times, they settle, things go quiet…ssshhhh yes it’s me time what shall I watch or read?????

I can’t believe it so do a ‘last check’….THE most fatal mistake of all (don’t do it) it’s then the dreaded creak of the floorboard, you can guess the rest….

Why do my kids wake up when I, and only I, step on the bloody creaky floorboards.  My other half can bang, creak, sneeze, cough, or do F’ing DIY and the kids don’t wake up, but for me, nope, totally different story.  I totally believe it stems back to the baby sleep dep era and me creeping around the house like a zombie on hot coals!

Anyway, they wake up again!! Arrrragh.

Sometimes it’s gone 9pm when they finally sleep and I’m ready for bed…..where’s my evening gone. The only time I get to myself to relax.

So I convince myself  ‘nope I won’t waste it’ and stay up determined to enjoy it….

…Until I wake up on the couch with spilt red wine!

Did Gina ever wake up on the couch after hours of back and forth at bedtime….?

And would she ever be brave enough to admit it?

Doubt it.

FM x

photo cred http://www.instawebgram.com

#grumpymum

19th Oct 2015

Ever had the grumpy feeling?

That feeling where all you do is shout, moan or sulk at your kids.

That’s me.

Work is not great and to be honest the long hours and stress are taking their toll on my family life!  I can paint on a smile for most of the time but this last week, bloody hell, has been hell!  And the worse part is is that my kids and the other half are suffering….

Last night my 7 year old daughter told me that ‘the nanny will do it better’ (she might as well have said piss off mum you’re shit we want a new mum) for the impact it had on me.  I was devastated.  Most times my thick skin is like armour but not last night.  I melted.

Failure and guilt – why are those two feelings so often associated with mums?  Although I am a feminist by heart and believe in everything equal I sometimes wonder whether us women have made it harder for ourselves by trying to be everything to everyone!  I mean, cleaning, washing, running a business, paying wages, managing staff’s problems, parenting,  school drops offs, remembering birthdays, meetings, appointments, paying bills, parent’s evenings, packed lunches, shopping for packed lunches, remembering uniforms, helping with homework the list goes on and on… and to be honest I don’t want to write anymore for fear of crying again!

Is it just me or is this some trick roller coaster that I decided to get on and now can’t get off!  Don’t get me wrong there are the random days I think I’m the strongest woman on earth – ‘go on life – throw any shit at me I can cope with it’…but not at the moment!

I know things are bad when I fall asleep on the couch after the kids have eventually gone to sleep and I have been up and down the stairs for the millionth time!  The other half wakes me up and says lets go to bed…and I’m pissed off as its another night I feel I have wasted away, but off I go only to start this roller-coaster of life again the next morning at the crack of dawn…..is it just me?  Am I shit mum? The part that hasn’t featured on my list is actually playing with my kids? is life passing me by and one day I will think ‘Holy crap my kids just remember me for working all the time?’

I need some inspiration, and some space, to find some clarity…

FM x

photo cred www.mcquaig.co.uk