What is male allyship and how can companies do more?

From the conversations being had around the subject it is obvious that although not a new concept, male allyship is something that needs more attention. 

There are still plenty of issues regarding women’s career progression, the glass ceiling, the gender pay gap, and gender equity, but one thing is clear: they are not women’s issues to solve, they are everybody’s issues to solve.

There is a difference between saying you are a supporter of women’s career progression and then actually taking action to show your support. But if you do believe in equal opportunities then it’s your problem to solve and steps need to be taken. 

Luckily, you don't have to do it alone as the more people on board the equity train the better; and the easier it will be to find the solution. 

What is an allyship?

For those that like definitions, the Oxford dictionary states that, ‘to be an ally is to unite oneself with another to promote a common interest. In an alliance, both parties stand to benefit from the bond or connection they share.’ Which only reinforces that this isn't a women's only issue. 

It’s about working together to achieve gender equity in the workplace. For too long there have been ‘boy’s clubs’ that women aren't privy to and missed opportunities that women haven't had access to. Being discriminated against because they started a family, wanted to work more flexible hours, or have had some time away from work. 

Even working in a male dominated environment and feeling like they have to wear a mask to work or change who they really are. Simply so they don't get labelled aggressive, difficult, or emotional. Plus they have to work even harder to fit in or get a look in for that next promotion.

Although the tables are turning, they still haven't done a 360, so there is still a lot of work to do. One of the ways to combat stereotypes, bias and derogatory behaviour is through education and awareness… which is where male allyship comes in.

Discrimination still exists

There are men out there who are already very supportive of their female colleagues, men who think they are supportive, and men who want to be more supportive. 

There are also men who don’t get it. They have convinced themselves that they don't need to as someone else will do that (usually women), and there are men who don’t want to. Their sexist beliefs are so ingrained that they wouldn't even condone any type of work around gender equity. Now they might be good at talking the talk and ticking the right boxes but deep down they just don't believe that women can do, be, or have the same things as men.

What can you do?

If you are faced with male colleagues, maybe more senior to you, that are not onboard with male allyship or supporting women’s career progression, don't give up. This is the time to think about things differently. 

People sometimes need to hear things on repeat and in different ways for it to sink in. This won’t work for everyone but if a collective of voices are singing the same tune, then that song is even louder and pretty much impossible not to hear. 

Collaboration. Find those allies that want to learn the words and sing with you. 

Where do we start?

It’s about awareness. Not everyone knows what they need to do or say to be better allies, so education is key. 

Creating a safe space to explore beliefs, expectations, unconscious bias, and sometimes very conscious biases that are out there is fundamental. As for real change to happen, pointing the finger of blame doesn't work. It makes people defensive and then nothing changes, or things can even get worse than they already are.

The four types of ally

Allyship and education is such a powerful way to combat all of this.  

There are 4 different types of allyship and by understanding them it’s easier for companies and their people to be better allies and support others to do the same:

Interpersonal: relationships with women.

This is the usual and most common. Where men are line managing women, or women are line managing men at work, this relationship between colleagues and peers is a great way to start an allyship journey. They make it easier to ask questions, listen to experiences, and provide support in that context.

Public: when you become a Proactive ally.

You are still supportive and listening to your female colleagues, but you also start to challenge things when you see it happening. You are aware that you are a role model for others and that this can make a huge difference in how women are treated and how men behave in the workplace.

Systemic: when you become an Advocate for organisational change.

You know that in order to create real long-lasting change for all women, it starts with changing cultures and shifting organisational practices, policies, and procedures. You start to analyse them and fight for changes across the company and beyond.

Performative: when you are being an ally to look good and tick that box. 

Going on the allyship and unconscious bias training or even ‘banter’ training (yes, there is such a thing) to show that you are someone who supports women, but after the training has finished you don't spend another minute thinking about it and you’re back to business as usual. 

This is the type of allyship that shouldn't even be classed allyship.

Are you an ally?

Have a think about the allies that you know or work with - where do they fall? Maybe they are ready to do more and move into a new allyship role to make a bigger impact and difference at work?

And where are you? 

Being a woman doesn't automatically make you an ally, far from it. There are women who aren’t using their own positions and power to support their female colleagues when it comes to career progression - in fact, there are women who are actually hindering their female colleagues.

However and wherever you fit you can always play a part: by paying attention. Everyone can pay attention and notice what is happening. You never know you might just save someone's career or support them to achieve their full potential.

The big picture

This can’t all be put on individuals to do by themselves. Companies need to promote all of these types of allyship because everyone is different and at different stages of their journey.

What is important to note though is what Johnson and Smith (2018) found that the evidence shows that when men are engaged in gender inclusion initiatives, 96% of organisations see progress — compared to only 30% of organisations where men are not engaged.

This is not about fixing women. It’s about fixing the systems that create barriers for their progression.

Don’t fix women, fix systems

Here are some things companies can start to think about: 

• Recognise female talent early on

• Offer mentoring/sponsorship for ambitious women

• Promote women when they are not in the room

• Share networks with them / make introductions

• Ask for their opinions / ideas and then listen - to hear and not to fix!

• Get to know them as individuals and their own barriers

• Break the ‘norms’ e.g. ask men to take minutes

And who better to ask what more allies could be doing to support women than women themselves. Here’s the top 3 answers they gave:

• Listening to understand the challenges and barriers women face in the workplace and how this impacts their progression and development

• Offering mentorship for the women in your workplace to guide and support them into senior positions. Share networks and make those important introductions.

• Being inclusive especially when it comes to career progression opportunities, such as re-looking at job specs and criteria and more flexibility with part time and full-time roles especially in more senior and leadership positions.

 Join the conversation

Although there is still work to do to get greater gender equity, there is always a place where you can get involved at a level that suits you. 

Male allyship is all about standing by each other to make sure that everyone thrives.

If you know that your workplace would benefit from extra support for male allies to be educated to grow and support women's career progression even further, then get in touch about the Stand By Me Workshops.

** Gemma is a self-promotion expert and specialises in working with organisations to identify, develop and retain their female talent and encourage senior level progression to close the gender gap. This is through coaching, consultation, training sessions and workshops. She understands the importance of visibility when it comes to women’s career progression and helps ambitious women find their confidence to own and showcase their expertise.  Host of the ‘No More Hiding: Self Promotion at Work’ podcast - click here to listen.

Message her directly to find out more or book a call here. Download your copy of her white paper ‘Visibility At Work: The Importance of Self Promotion for Women's Career Progression here’. **

NB - When we refer to the terms men/women we are including all non-binary, trans and any marginalised genders

How can my company celebrate International Women's Day?

With International Women's Day on 8 March 2021 it's important to have a think about how you and your company will be celebrating.  Here are some ideas that have worked really well for companies in the past and might be things that you haven't considered before and also to bust some myths and obstacles you might come up against when planning your party!

Why celebrate International Women’s Day?

The whole point of IWD is to celebrate all things female.  This includes everything from celebrating women's achievements to raising awareness about gender parity, developing female leadership and supporting those charities and others that work on female focused activities.  

Did you know that It has been going for 110 years since 1911 when the first National Woman's Day (NWD) and gathering happened in the United States.  This was on the back of the 15k women who marched in 1908 through new york city demanding fair pay and equal rights.  Copenhagen followed in 1910 with the first conference for working women. 

The 8th March became a fixed date from 1914 and it was that year women marched from Bow to Trafalgar Square in London.  There is more information on the history of IWD in a comprehensive timeline you can read on the IWD website.  If you are interested in brushing up on your history check it out HERE.

Busting Myths Around International Women’s Day

There are a few myths that surround this special day and I thought this would be a great opportunity to bust them.  And at the same time give you some ammunition if you come up against any obstacles when wanting to mark International Women’s Day at work.

1. Ticked it off the list - job done! 

The first is that if you do one thing on the day then you’ve sorted it for that year. On the whole it's a great start. However Gender Equity is not only a once a year tick box exercise  - please don't think for a moment that if you have organised something to celebrate the women in your organisation then that's it job done.  It is an ongoing process and one which must be considered every day in all areas of the business.  Something that will one day become a default and won't have to be talked about because it will be the norm.

2. It’s only a women’s issue!

The second is that It's only a women's issue - this couldn't be further from the truth.  Male allyship is absolutely crucial and this isn't about men being put on a pedestal and giving special treatment for being an ally. It's about them standing by women, being more than performative allies and supporting them everyday.

3. We don't need a day to celebrate women.

The third myth is that we don't need this day anymore.  Until there is equity for all then we still need awareness days to do exactly that - raise awareness.  People may ask if there is still a need for IWD and of course there is - whilst there is inequality then there is still work to do. 

12 Ways to Celebrate IWD

Here are 12 different, interesting and fun ways that you and your company recognise this day.  I have also taken into account that we are in a global pandemic right now and these things that I will share can all be done virtually!

 

• Personally acknowledge and thank female employees; through a personalised note or card to organising internal networking sessions so that they connect with other women in the company - more important than ever right now whilst in lockdown and working remotely.

• Get social and show your support and solidarity online - give some awesome women a shout out and surprise them or share amazing work that women are doing to make a difference for others.  You can even join the movement and take a selfie with one hand in the air as part of this years theme and tag #ChooseToChallenge #IWD2021

• Review current policies in the organisation - are they fit for purpose or really outdated?  Create a steering group to keep on top of it.

• Host an online event that celebrates the women in your company and maybe get some to share their stories to inspire others. 

• Invest in training, workshops and lunch and learn sessions to support women in areas that they feel they need to know more about and this can also include sessions for the men to support them to better support women and be the male allies needed at work - The Harvard Business Review found there is 96% more progress when men are actively involved in gender parity initiatives at work.

• Support charities that are focused on female activities or female led businesses.  Showcase your support. You could even do something as dramatic as running a marathon or some other challenge that could help you raise awareness and essential funds for these charities. You could do a group challenge through work.

• Organise a speed mentoring session with different leads / senior managers within your organisation - so that women can access time and pick the brains of those that inspire them and build those important stakeholder relationships. 

• Create an inclusive video of the women at work asking them what they would ‘choose to challenge’ within the workplace or with the current juggle that they are experiencing.

• Host an award ceremony recognising and rewarding incredible women for doing their job.

• Facilitate internal networking events for women to build relationships, share experiences and increase the support for everyone.

• Share different literature and resources around female empowerment and female leadership that maybe others cannot readily access.

• And don't forget to recognise the awesome women in your life - a few words of acknowledgement and thanks can go a long way. 

 

This is definitely not an exhaustive list but gives you some ideas - had this been a previous year I might have included decorate the office or throw a party but unless it’s virtual that won't be an option in 2021.  

 

This time last year I was grateful to be facilitating a face to face in person ‘Stepping into Self Promotion’ workshop at a housing association to develop their female leaders. The second one was cancelled because of the lockdown at the end of March 2020.  All was not lost, and we got around to hosting it later on in the year as well as a further two group coaching programmes for female development - all virtual and all a massive success.  So there is no excuse not to celebrate International Women’s Day.  

 

I am super excited that I get to meet a lot more women and men who care about gender equity, through the workshops I am hosting in March for IWD 2021 that connect closely with this years theme #ChooseToChallenge.  

 

The IWD focused workshops include; 

 

> Self Promotion is not a Dirty Word; 

> Self Advocacy Builds Self Promotion; 

> The Importance of Visibility for Women’s Career Progression; 

> How to make Networking Work;  

> Stand by Me: Male Allyship in the workplace (one for the men who are committed to supporting their female colleagues and want to do more).

 

If any of these workshops would benefit your company and its people then get in touch and let’s see how we can make IWD a huge success for your organisation. One that not only impacts your employees through training and personal development, but also builds an ongoing inclusive and diverse culture in the workplace that can only result in more success.

 

It’s time to choose to challenge the status quo and remember that IWD is a day for everyone to come together to fight for equity for ALL women everywhere! 

How will you play your part?

**Gemma is a self promotion expert and specialises in working with organisations to identify, develop and retain their female talent and encourage senior level progression to close the gender gap. This is through coaching, consultation and workshops. She understands the importance of visibility when it comes to women’s career progression and helps ambitious women find their confidence to own and showcase their expertise.  Host of the ‘No More Hiding: Self Promotion at Work’ podcast - clicking here to listen.

Message her directly to find out more or book a call here. Download your copy of her white paper ‘Visibility At Work: The Importance of Self Promotion for Women's Career Progression here’.**

You don't need to be extroverted to be successful or happier

Articles and opinions telling me how I should be more extroverted to be successful in business frustrate me.

There are so many and even the ones that are supposed to be championing us introverts are still using the same old descriptors, shy, quiet, anti social……for the love of god please hear me when I say - Introverts are phenomenal, can be loud, ambitious, strong and love meeting people. Ok so we might have to hibernate for a day or two after doing all that but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to! I am not quiet but I LOVE quiet.

Introverts are amazing business owners and amazing people!

Research seems to be finally figuring it out that we don’t have to be more extroverted to be happier - come on, you really think that’s news to us? Why would we to change who we are. Of course we want to learn new ways of doing things, but that doesn’t mean we want to be more extroverted. We like being who we are. I love that I can spend time alone and come up wth ideas and the answers to things I have been overthinking for days. I love that feeling after I have actually been to a networking event when I get home and kick off my shoes, put my pjs on and feel proud to have met some new interesting people and told them about what I am up to. I love challenging myself to do the things I think I can’t only to realise I can actually do them and if I can do this then nothing is out of my reach.

Please don’t let your introversion stop you doing anything if you want it that much. If you don’t and you are happy to chill out at home and stay in your comfort zone then that’s fine too. It’s all about what YOU want that matters and that might mean stepping up and out of that comfort zone!

Asking or expecting somebody to change what is fundamental about them like their personality, is never going to make anyone happier.

Now I am the biggest believe in change. I was a Probation officer for years and also worked with some very vulnerable and challenging young people so I know that believing in change is part of who I am. It is possible for everyone. But this is about change that is welcomed or craved. Saying things like ‘introverts will be more happier if they are more extroverted’ is like the craziest thing I have heard. I am happiest to be me. Yes I am happy to push and challenge myself because that’s part of my personality too! It has nothing to do with me being an introvert. Introversion is about energy and I get my energy from being alone it’s as simple as that.

There is a massive difference between changing WHO you are and challenging yourself to do things you THINK you can't. The things you actually WANT to do.

Introverts are great leaders.

Now someone recently said to me “No we are looking for strong dynamic and entrepreneurial types - not introverts!”. Oh really. Well check out some of the great leaders in the world to realise that this belief is just nonsense and so outdated. I consider myself to be all of these things and I bet you do too.

Working for yourself, building your own business and being ambitious will mean (regardless of personality) that you will have to push yourself to do things you haven't done before. If it were easy everyone would be doing it. But not everyone will or can be a leader and that is something you have to decide for yourself - are you ready to lead or follow?

It's not easy but it can be so worthwhile and not just have a massive impact on your business, but also massively boost your own confidence too. For instance I have supported women to step up and tell more people about how great they are at what they do and what they stand for, despite them feeling 'cringey', because we worked together to find a way that felt GOOD to them. You don’t have to do it the way ‘extroverts’ have done business over the years.

You have the chance to carve out your own path. Do that.

**Gemma Stow works with female leaders who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find what is getting in the way of putting themselves forward and creates a space for them to explore who they really are and who they want to become.  As well as high level private coaching, she runs Introverts Talk Biz events where women come together to share ideas, struggles and make plans. More info on the next one HERE. Or book in a chat with Gemma if you are looking to increase your confidence so that you can do the things you keep telling yourself you can’t do **

Am I an introvert and why it matters in business?

So many people say to me “ you don’t need to label people we are all different”. Of course I know this already. Having worked in the public sector in probation, and with young people with different challenging behaviour there can be nothing worse than being labelled and being put into a box that is a one size fits all scenario!

But labelling can also have it’s benefits.

For years I used to think that I didn’t measure up. Questioning myself why couldn’t I be more like ‘her’, love public speaking, oozing confidence, full of charisma, the life and soul of the party?

It’s really important in business that you figure out who you are and get really clear on what you can do, what you think you can’t do and what you really want to do.

People often tell me that people that there is no need for labelling and who cares if you’re introvert or extrovert personality, but of course it does matter as it’s all about who you are and what you like to do and enjoy to do, rather than having to always feel like you’re not good enough because you don’t do things in a certain way and that is often the case for introverts.

Business is about telling others about what you do.

You know business is about the selling, marketing, visibility, putting yourself out there and at the same time all those things can scare the hell out of introverts because it’s doesn’t always appeal to us. However the only reason it scares us is because we associate all these things with being big, loud and in your face. When they really don’t need to be.

I know a lot of introverts that are amazing at selling because they do it in a way that feels good to them. They make real connections with people, build relationships get to know their customers. You just have to find the way that works for you not against you. I’m all about you finding out what your superpowers are and using them to your advantage in your business.

Am I an introvert?

So the traditional way to decide about your personality is to do the old school personality tests. I’m sure you’ve heard of Myers Briggs and other kind of personality questionnaires that you can spend time filling in your preferences and then it will come back and tell you what kind of personality you’ve got and what your strengths and your weaknesses are and all that kind of stuff.

If you’re interested here a few links to some of the personality test that you can take to see what you’re kind of personality is and they can be quite enlightening actually and when you read things about yourself like that makes sense under things start to fall into place for you. Check out Susan Cain’s or Sixteen personalities to start with.

It might also make you realise you know where some areas in your business needs some work. You know you are the expert at what you do for work, however there are always things in business that we avoid because they just don’t feel good are they not aligned with our personality.

So I am an introvert, what now?

Well now is the exciting part you get to look at all the areas of your life and see where your strengths are and how you can play on those strengths and use them to your advantage in business. It is all about looking at the things that you’ve previously decided aren’t for you and maybe to take a new perspective on them. For example a business owner downloaded my free guide on how to network even if you are an introvert and hate talking to strangers. After that she got in touch and told me the impact that had on her networking journey. She had started to regularly attend a local event. She has now spoken at that event and won an award for her business. From telling herself that networking wasn’t her thing to actually finding the right one for her has been a massive game changer!

So why not think of three things and figure out what it is but you need to focus on more in your business to really get the results you’re after. What have you been avoiding and telling yourself it isn’t your thing? Take a new perspective on it - how can you use your strengths to make it work for you?

I couldn’t find a networking event that really worked for me - so I started my own ‘Introverts Talk Biz’ and I haven’t looked back. The feedback has been incredible. One women said it was a like ‘coming home’ and she realised she could actually enjoy networking.

Here are three things you can think about….

1. Where do your clients come from and are you actually being visible in that area? Just because it doesn’t necessarily float your boat - it might float your clients? Can you make it work?

2. Figure out what makes business fun for you? It’s all about enjoying what you do - so take stock of your business model - does it actually serve you?

3. Make sure you factor time in your diary to re-energise. If you’re pushing yourself out of your comfort zone by going to networking events, showing up online etc you need to factor in some time alone to get your energy back. If you don’t do this you and keep pushing without time for yourself you start to become exhausted and feel negative towards your work, which could reinforce that you shouldn’t be doing the things you doing, when actually a lot of good and positive things can come from it.

When people tell you that it doesn’t matter if you’re an introvert, extrovert or someone in between, it actually really does matter and it really matters to your business and the success you want. Don’t hold back from trying different things - it might just be that you need to do things in your own way!

So maybe it’s about time you figured out what this means to you and how you can use it to your advantage. Figure out what your true strengths are and have some fun in business, it doesn’t have to be stressful and yes it will be hard work, but building a business is a rollercoaster so why not find the fun in everything you are doing instead of feeling scared or avoiding it.

Figuring out that you’re an introvert in business can be the best thing that ever happened. Let me know how you get on.

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief and results.  More info HERE. Or book in a chat with her if you are looking to increase your confidence in different areas and find your inner fierce **

Why you and your business are missing out by avoiding networking events!

It is true – there is nothing that really compares to a live event. 

I have found this especially in business.  The powerful connections and life changing experiences have all started with events.  Getting to know others, being around likeminded people, having an understanding and similar purpose.

I hated events. 

Because it has not always been like that for me.  I hated events.  I hated networking events even more.

Why?  When we all know that building ‘know, like and trust’ is crucial to any business and by meeting people face to face can really speed up this process. 

Well I am a proud introvert and small talk and mingling with strangers and having to stand up and talk in front of them all within a specific time frame quite frankly does not float my boat.

So I used to avoid them – send my team to them – tell them it was for their own good to enhance their professional development and all that good stuff – when really I was hiding behind the fact that I couldn’t think of anything worse than attending these business events where you had to sell yourself – I mean that stuff is made for extroverts and egos right?

I bet I can give you five reasons why you avoid networking?

1.  Because you have to talk to strangers and make a good impression and introduce your business (and you still haven’t really got clear as clear can be on what it is you really do yet?)

2. Because it will mean taking time out of the day / evening that you could be spending working on the business (and let’s face it that’s the bit you love, that’s where the passion is at right?)

3.  You end up sat on your own (which you quite like) and smiling sheepishly at all those other delegates that have got it together and schmoozing the room like they own the god damn place looking at you with sympathetic feel sorry for you eyes.

4.  Why the hell would you pay for all of the above!

5.  You walk away without any new connections (because you only spoke to Michelle who you met last time because she works behind the bar), a goody bag full of business cards (your own included) and no further on with the results you are aiming for in your business.  No ROI (return on investment at all).

I understand I really do and don’t feel bad because we all feel like this at some point or another. 

 

Find events that are YOUR kind of events.

The trick is to find events that are your kind of events with your kind of people and this may involve attending a lot of 'frogs' to find the 'prince' of events that will give you new connections, access to new networks, referrals and recommendation opportunities.  

And that’s not because you spent the entire time selling yourself and being pushy – nope.  It is because you felt comfortable in the space to be able to help and support others in their business.  To give, not take.  That is the most important thing to remember.

 

You can be an introvert and actually get the most from business events.

You don't have to be the loudest in the room to be heard and you definitely don't have to be all about the sales to be remembered for who you are.  You have all you need already.  Listen to others, really listen and find people you are really interested in.  And ask them about their business.  And don't dread the "what do you do?" questions - go with it - someone else you get to show how passionate you are about what you do and why you do it!

 

I love nothing more than making real connections.

Well it is funny how times have changed, from hating such events, to now hosting my own. I also invest a lot in attending other's events too - ones that I know will be full of my kind of people and they always pay off.

Mine are not ordinary traditional events, but the type that are perfect for introverts like you to make real connections.  To get the most out of the investment you are putting into going in the first place – after all pjs and Netflix or a glass of vino with a good friend is also very appealing.

But networking (which in basic terms only really means interact with others to exchange information and develop professional or social contacts) is the cornerstone of business. 

It is so important in so many ways.  Not only for getting new customers and putting your business on the map, but also for your own support and developing relationships with people who get it and understand how tough it can be to work for yourself.

So if you are now a little convinced that actually venturing outside and attending an event or two might be something that you should think about to grow your business and your confidence then grab my free guide to get you started on the right path.   It has 5 simple steps to prepare you for your networking fun, will build your confidence and give you purpose.  Let me know how you get on!

Maybe my monthly event "Introverts Talk Biz" could be the perfect place to start - more info on the next event is here.   Time to get yourself out there and give your business the chance it deserves!

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs monthly events where Introverts Talk Business and a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief and results.  More info HERE. **

But introverts don't do business do they?

This was actually said to me today whilst I was chatting to somebody about being featured in the Yorkshire Post about my new face to face events for female introverts in business. 

"But introverts don't do business do they, aren't they too quiet?"

Wow.  I was pretty stunned as this came from a business owner I respect, but who obviously didn't have a clue about what introversion even means.  The next comment was indeed "so can men be introverted?'.  Oh dear.

It feels like there is a long way to go to educate people on what introversion actually is all about.  

The day before I was told that introverts are the worst listeners because they are too busy listening to themselves.  WTF.  Listening is my superpower and is what makes me a great coach to hear others on a different level, and not only hear the words, but also hear what lies beneath them as well.  It takes the concept of listening to another level.

But as I push forward on my mission to prove female introverts need to stop hiding because they have more than enough to be amazing at making real differences to others lives, I will definitely be up against more misconceptions for sure!  I mean I get told time and time again that I can't be an introvert because of my presence on social media.  Say what?

 

So I wanted to start by saying that introverts do business and do it really well. 

And if you still need convincing you only need to look at the likes of Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, Warren Buffett and what about the ladies... Rosa Parks, JK Rowling, Emma Watson and Marissa Mayer.

It is also important to understand why you should get to know your own personality traits and how empowering that can be.  Lots of people tell me not to label as they are not useful.  I have spent most of my career trying my best not to label others and put them into boxes - however something happens when your own level of self awareness increases - you get your power back.

You start to recognise your strengths and skills that you just took for granted because you've always had them, they are a part of you. 

And actually these should be explored, developed and celebrated.  

 

I am not naive to think there isn't a darker side. 

Getting to know yourself means you could fall into the trap of using your introverted personality as an excuse not to do all the things that feel uncomfortable to you or zap all of your energy.  When actually to build your business you need to consider how you will make it work for you.  After all business is about identifying the things you think you can't and doing them anyway.

I know this from first hand experience of pushing my team to do the things I didn't want to do.  Things like selling, presenting, networking, making new connections, making phone calls, pitching, promoting and all that stuff, you get the picture. 

 

But I learnt quite quickly that nobody can sell my business like I can. 

I have the passion and that can't be replicated.  And you can't be either.

For too long business has been focused on the more extrovert personalities - and we have all been led to believe that this is what makes a business successful and that we have to be more 'extroverted' to win.  So much so, that it often puts off introverts from starting a business in the first place.

 

These are outdated, misleading conclusions derived from personality tests produced decades ago. 

I have experienced that the opposite is quite often more of a truer picture.  That introverts can use their super powers to be amazing at selling, presenting and promoting themselves and their business.  To avoid the fluffy crap that is often associated with pushy or cheesy sales, or drawn out boring presentations, and actually make real business connections in networking that will go somewhere.

So the next time you hear that introverts are too quiet or shy to be good at business, or even if you are telling yourself that - please remind them (and you) that in your face, intense energy, loud voices, small talk and big ego's don't always win the race. 

You have all you need to start and that's the most important part.

 

Never underestimate the power of an introvert's silence. 

It doesn't indicate nothing is happening.  It indicates everything is happening. 

And you can't even see it, yet.

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief and results.  More info HERE. **

How post natal depression made me a savvy business woman.

10 years ago everything changed.   July 2008.

Not only did I become a mum for the first time, but ironically I also lost who I was. 

It was the first time I didn’t believe I could do something that I ‘should’ have been able to do naturally. 

I felt like a failure. The biggest failure of all time. Alone. Just me.  I realised I was carrying around the feeling for years that if I can fail at being a mum,  I’ll probably fail at everything else.  This realisation was the game changer for me and my businesses.

 

Post natal depression is hard to describe.

That feeling of hopelessness. That nothing I could do would ever be good enough. The anxiety and worry every minute of every day. The huge responsibility that was often too heavy to bare.  The dark cloud that followed me around. The fog. 

But looking back it also had a profound affect on me. It made me reassess what I really wanted. What makes me tick. And not what I thought I ‘should’ be under the pressures of society. 

 

It taught me to listen to my instincts.

That when I listen, really listen, they are super specific and usually spot on.

They know. I know. What’s really best. 

Accepting that working and making a difference to other people’s lives is in my blood. I needed it like I needed the air I breath. 

Not because it was satisfying some empty void, but because it was a sense of purpose. A determined purpose to make things happen. To create change. To unlock potential. A purpose I’ve felt deep inside since I was a little girl. Knowing I needed to aim high no matter what. To do the things that can’t be done. 

Because of this I didn’t think I could be a good mum. Because I didn’t crave to be with my children every minute of every day and I wanted to work instead. That feeling this way was bad. That I was bad. 

 

But I proved myself wrong.

By listening to what I needed, I could be EVERYTHING to my gorgeous baby girl. 

I see her today. Strong willed. Fiercely independent. Oozing confidence. A sense of belief in herself that she is capable of anything she sets her mind too.  And she is. 

I see me. The real me. 

The me that was once crushed by this sense of having to do the ‘right thing’ whatever that was. That I wasn't good enough if I didn't do what was expected of me - to stay at home and care for my children for all of the hours in the day.  The pressure and guilt associated with choosing to go to work instead.  I say choosing because I was.  I wanted to build a business from scratch and I knew that would take up a lot of energy and time.  Time away from my family.

Do I regret working so early on when she was little?  No. 

Do I regret not spending more time at home in the early days?  No. 

Do I think she’s lost out because of the decisions I’ve made?  No. 

Because I know that I had to find me before I could be the best mum to her and her brother. They are my world.

When I look at them. I mean really look at them. My heart stops and they sum up the sense of purpose. 

To not only teach them, but show them everyday that they too can do the things they may think they can’t. That they can be, do and have whatever they want. 

I couldn’t have planned or predicted the last ten years and I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m more of the woman I had hoped I’d be. An inspiration to others.  Doing things that scare me. Making a difference. Taking risks. Trying things that others wouldn’t try. And things they didn’t want me to try either. Being the change I wish to see in the world. 

Am I still scared? Of course. 

Because if nothing else the last ten years have shown me that curveballs are around every corner. Waiting to test you.  Waiting to teach you.  A look. A comment. A loss. 

Those feelings still show up. But I spot them coming now.  I know them really well because I decided to get up close to them. To see them for what they are. 

Every experience we go through defines us.

The good, the bad and the ugly. Look for the lessons and embrace it by believing in yourself and how much you are truly capable of getting whatever you really want. 

**Gemma Stow works with female entrepreneurs who are introverts and are ready to take themselves and their business to the next level.  To find their fierce and take that all important action.  As well as private coaching, she runs a membership called Club Fierce that gives that personal touch to women who are looking for support, accountability and an environment that breeds self belief and results.  More info HERE. **

#Stop Comparing Yours to Theirs.

Comparison is the thief of joy.  That's what they say - what do you think?

I can really understand this statement and it can be very overwhelming when you start to compare yourself to others and the impact that this can have on how you truly feel about yourself.

I did a #FierceTalk was on this very subject - if you missed it check it out.

Comparing where you are right now with someone else in a negative way is not good for you.  Especially when you use it to find faults with yourself.

The problem is that you don't recognise your own strengths and beauty as you are far too busy comparing yourself to others.

You start to feel undeserving, inadequate and inexperienced.  Who am I to do this? I don't have what she has? I am not good enough who will listen to me?

Do you find you do this?  We all do it at times and it can be detrimental to our self esteem.  If this becomes a habit then we start to lose confidence in our own abilities and the pressure and overwhelm creeps in and we stop moving forwards - we give up, we think what's the point?

Social media has only served to increase these feelings if we allow it to.  Do you know what I mean? Watching someone else's movie reel and all their highlights about what they are up to!  The thing to remember is that it is only their highlights - not everyone would have the lady balls to show up and show off their down days - those moments where everything has gone to shit.  It isn't easy sharing this with the world because of the fear of being judged - what will they think of me if I do show up and I haven't got my shit together?

Constant comparing of this nature will not end well.

Constantly comparing yourself to others in a negative way can lead to depression and anxiety because you ultimately tell yourself you have a shit life because it is not like those other people's lives you see on your phone.  Now there is a sentence I wouldn't have thought I would write - but it is so true.  We have all been there and I know you have too.

Well it is time to stop.  

You have an incredible life and can use it to inspire others.

Firstly you cannot compare your chapter 1 to somebody else's chapter 20.  It just doesn't work like that.  Of course there will be differences, of course they will have experienced more things, and you will too as you create more chapters in your life.  

Secondly, at least you have a chapter 1 right?  There will be others comparing themselves to you too - only thinking about starting to follow their dreams, but are too scared to show up yet.  They don't even have a chapter and will look to you and be amazed by how you did it.

I was watching my 8 year old daughter in her dance class last night.  I love seeing her dance and the passion she has.  She shows determination and commitment and never misses a class.  

She does get concerned about how far the other girls have got and how they can do this move and that move and she can't.  But what was interesting last night was that another little girl was asked to do the finale move - an amazing cartwheel without hands - which she was brilliant at but only on soft mats.  

The tutor wanted her to practice it on the hard floor ready for the real competition.  Se was scared to do it.  She cried.  Her dance class buddies were all staring at her, and then out of nowhere, they started clapping - it gives me goosebumps to relive it to be honest.  

It was amazing to watch.  Her girls had her back.  She knew it.  And she bloody did it.  And yes all the girls were probably thinking they wish they could do that move (I know my daughter was) but they didn't sit there feeling negative towards their team mate - they encouraged her to be the best version of herself, to push her out of that comfort zone, to do the thing she really wanted to do, because that is what is needed in these times where we think we can't go on.  

We need encouragement.  Which by definition is the action of giving someone support, confidence and hope.

And all those other girls who did the encouraging will feel a sense of satisfaction knowing that when their time comes they will have a huge team of other girls who will encourage them to do the same.  It's bloody inspirational and it is what I am all about.

Watching that unravel last night brought me to tears because it kinda sums up everything I stand for.  
 

Women having each other's back.  

So yes you may feel that someone is better than you and maybe they are further on their journey - but remember they were once where you are right now, and there are others who are only dreaming of being where you are.  

It is time to stop the negative comparison BS.

And instead start using comparison to your advantage.  Truly believe that if she can do it then it is possible for you too.  

Don't forget that.  

If someone is paving the way for you then this is a great thing, as it means that you can run along that path knowing full well what will be at the end of it.
 

Her success is definitely not your failure - it is only your beginning.

FM x

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