Putting everyone else before yourself is an act of kindness isn’t it? Because if you don’t, then you tell yourself you are being selfish - and no one likes a selfish person.
This is one of the top reasons that women we have worked with have missed out on progressing in their career.
Stepping aside to make way for others
Maybe you have not gone for that opportunity or raised it in a meeting with a manager as you didn't want them to think you were after their job.
Or maybe your manager keeps blocking your ideas from ever reaching the senior leaders but you don't want them to feel pushed aside if you were to bypass them and go higher?
Or maybe your colleagues have confided in you and want the next role in your department and you secretly want it too but don't have the heart to tell them, so instead you step to one side and let them go for it.
Maybe you can relate or have your own story of putting others first.
This happens a lot and not just when it comes to your colleagues but also with managers and senior staff. We tell ourselves that we can't speak up or go for certain opportunities because we may upset others and worry about the consequences or what they will think about us and our ambitions. The thing is, if you have experienced this type of sabotage you are not alone, but there are ways to move past it.
Here are 5 ways you can start to think differently about your own career progression and stop putting everyone else before yourself.
It’s Not Selfish
Firstly let us clear this up - it’s not selfish.
Although you may have this constant little voice nagging you and telling you that you are being selfish, you are not. We have been conditioned to think that considering ourselves before others is a bad way to be. Not true.
This doesn’t mean that there aren’t some behaviours that are selfish. However to constantly hold yourself back because you aren’t going after what you really want is not on the list of being selfish. Think about it - on your death bed would you be happy that you put your manager first and did not go above him because he kept ignoring your request to attend that important monthly meeting that would mean you get to be more visible in front of the board of directors at work? Or would you have no regrets in missing out on the next promotion or new position because you decided to step aside and let other colleagues go for it only to find out that they appointed someone externally and you missed your shot. Now this may sound harsh, especially if you are a team player but you don’t have to be sneaky about these things because that’s where the uncomfortable feelings come from.
Crystal Clear
Transparency is key. When you can start talking openly about what you want and your career goals or plans that’s when opportunities come up and others will expect you to be going for them.
In fact the ideal scenario is that managers and colleagues will be telling you about things that are available or on the horizon and you are therefore kept in the loop. There's nothing worse that you secretly want a role and have to stand by and watch as someone less experienced gets told about it and then goes for it and others around you say they didn't even think you were interested.
Be open and talk about your career plans.
Priorities Matter
What are your priorities in terms of career and family and basically how you want to spend your precious time. If one of those priorities is securing that role or job or opportunity you have always wanted then this must get some of your attention and you must not let others get in the way of that. Just like you wouldn't let others get in the way of you spending time with your family. Same thing.
Asking for help is a strength not a weakness
Ask for help. This is underestimated so much. We convince ourselves that asking for help or support means we are failing in some way - that we aren't capable in the first place and this couldn't be further from the truth.
Honestly if you are a person that still looks at someone else when they ask for help and sees weakness then you need to do some self awareness work. Otherwise, this will be massively holding you back from getting what you want especially when it comes to your work goals and personal development. To grow we need to get uncomfortable. And this includes asking for help and leveraging the relationships that you have worked hard to build. People love to help people.
Balancing Act
And lastly but definitely not least, is balance. That balance between putting yourself first and also thinking about those that matter to you. This is the hardest part and is probably the main thing that is getting in your way. You care. And that’s a GOOD thing. But you can’t let caring for others be the thing that stops you in your tracks. Be a positive role model. Show those you care about how they too can do things they really want to do and how it’s ok to lead from within and go for those dreams and most of all not to settle.
When we shine we can help others feel like they can shine too and we all can play bigger.
So if you are in that place where you keep telling yourself that you can’t speak up or can’t go for that opportunity because you are likely to be stepping on other’s toes or feel like those around you at work are not listening or supporting you, don't be afraid to go find someone who will.
I see so much how hierarchies in the workplace can keep people small. That you don't have the right credentials, or qualifications, or skills or experience to go for things that you want to go for and maybe there are things that will help you on that journey. However, one thing guaranteed is that you won't have that journey if you don't move towards it and find out. Be curious, Ask for help. Tell others what you want and make it happen.
Feeling inspired? Going to take some action? Come tell me about it.
**Gemma is the founder of No More Hiding Co. and a self-promotion expert and specialises in working with organisations to identify, develop and retain their female talent and encourage senior level progression to close the gender gap. This is through coaching, consultation, training sessions and workshops. She understands the importance of visibility when it comes to women’s career progression and helps ambitious women find their confidence to own and showcase their expertise and develops male allies to support their female colleagues.**
Message her directly to find out more or book a call here. Download your copy of her white paper ‘Visibility At Work: The Importance of Self Promotion for Women's Career Progression here’. Host of the ‘No More Hiding: Self Promotion at Work’ podcast - click here to listen.
NB - When we refer to the terms men/women we are including all non-binary, trans and any marginalised genders